Monday, August 27, 2012

Just some "busy" ness

I have had this thought going through my head for that last little while.  2 or 3 years maybe.  But I have thought a bit more about it this past week.  I read a blog post about "busy" you can find it here.  It's called: "on being 'busy'" by Sydney who blogs at The Day Book.
I really agree, we have all of the these tools and modern conveniences, yet we have less time than ever before.  Rick and I joke about it when we are having a hectic day or sometimes even when we are having a kick-back and enjoy it day, that we will answer the question, "how are you?" with "I'm so busy."  There is a lady that lives near by that answers "how are you?' with "I'm just so busy."  Every.  Single.  Time.  Sometimes I want to just ask her what it is that she is so busy, feeding the poor, healing the sick.  Whenever I see her driving in her car, she is always on the phone.  She called me one day and I asked her if she was driving.  She said, "yes, I have to make my phone calls when I'm in the car because I'm just so busy."
Or perhaps I'm just sensitive because I am in the minority.  I am a stay at home mom (not really sure how accurate that term is...).  I learned at ed week last week that 64% of the women in Utah work outside of the home.  So, that puts me in the minority at 36%.  Maybe people are just telling ME how busy they are so that I feel sorry for them or feel guilty for staying home.  whatever.  I have worked hard.  We have worked hard.  So that someone is home when the kids get home.  and so that there are home cooked meals.  and so that the house is clean and the laundry is done.  OK, maybe my house isn't as clean as I would like it to be.  But, if it were I would be the one saying "I'm so busy."  So, I am content with the clutter and the occasional cobweb.
I was in Young Women's yesterday.  I went into one of the classes where they had not started their lesson yet, but were making plans for their weeknight activity.  The leader asked one of the YW if she would be at the activity.  Her answer was this:  "I just can't say if I will be at the activity or not.  I am just so busy.  I am taking 4 AP classes, you know.  It's just so stressful.  I really don't think I will be able to make it to the activity."  (Keep in mind, we are 4 days into the school year.  It's not like the AP tests are next week.)  She was sitting close to me and looked at me like she needed someone to pat her on the knee and tell her that it's OK.  Someone needs to be the exception. Right?  She certainly should be excused from the activity or from having an assignment because she is so busy. and so stressed.
What I really wanted to tell her was that I have no sympathy at all.  I would love to  be 17 again and have my biggest worry be 4 AP tests.  Because let me tell you Sista, It don't get any easier.
But, I didn't say anything I just nodded my head.
And then I went into the next class to ask for volunteers to sing a musical number at YW in Excellence.  At least half the girls said..."I'm too busy!!"  I almost lost my marbles.  It's a song they already know.  How hard can it be?

And then there is my famous or infamous story of my foot surgery.  3 years ago.  And it's like it was yesterday.
Read more about it here
One thing that happened when I had the second surgery was this...
Just a few days before the procedure was scheduled I was at the Church and I told the RS president about my scheduled procedure. (The whole thing was a little bit "ify" because the dr.'s wife was due to have her 4th child that day.  So, in case that happened, my surgery would be canceled.  Turns out she had the baby 2 days earlier)  I told the RS president that I didn't want anyone to bring me food.  Mostly because Rick would be home for the whole week and mostly because I didn't want the ward to fill me full of carbs while I sat on the couch for a month.  Her reply was "You are denying someone else the opportunity to serve."  So, I told her that I just didn't want the FOOD.  3 people chimed in.  1 person volunteered to bring me some old magazines that were sitting around.  Another person had some books that she had finished reading that she would drop off for me to look at.  And a third person said that she would bring me some flowers out of her flower garden.
I was thrilled.  People still got to serve me and I would get something that I could actually use.
The surgery went well.  I got home early in the day.  My mom came down to sit with me.  Rick was so bored he went to work for 6 hours.
Plenty to eat.  Plenty of pain meds.  I was fine.  My mom and I sat and watched TV for a while.  The kids were in Orem.  Finally my mom headed out so that she would be home before dark.  I never heard from anyone else.  I just figured they were giving me some time so I could sleep.  or something.
The next day.  Nothing.  I seriously waited all day for the sound of the door bell and Nothing.
Finally, I went outside and sat on the porch thinking that someone would see me and stop and visit or drop off the promised items.  Nope.  Then I ventured out into the yard a little further, sitting in the shade in a lawn chair thinking that someone would notice the casts on me feet and the crutches.  Nope.
I realize now what the problem was...people are just too busy.  It reminds me of my New Year's Resolution for 2012:  Low expectations=  No disappointments.  Too bad I didn't come up with that little saying a few years earlier.
Nobody ever brought the magazines, books, or flowers.
I'm over it.  kind of.  maybe.  probably never.

And then, after I visited the YW class yesterday, I went back to Relief Society.  Now, I did come into the lessons half way through and I obviously missed some things, but here was a quote from the teacher..."It's all about family for me.  just my family.  the rest of you all are on your own.  I know I should think differently, but I don't.  It's just all about my family for me.  nobody else."
See people, I'm not making this stuff up.  People are just too busy.  And they don't care about anybody else.  I have lived in this house for 5 1/2 years.  I have all of about 3 people that I could call if I got stuck in traffic and someone needed to pick my kid up from the bus or if I really needed something.  Although I do know that all 3 of these people are really busy people and I wouldn't do it unless it were a real emergency.
So, I sat on the front porch this morning contemplating "busy".  I watched the sun slowly rise over Mapleton.  The clouds were amazing.  Then the rays of sunlight began to streak through the sky.  Shadows were slowing forming through the neighborhood.  The beams of sunlight were beginning to find the puddles of rain that had fallen during the night. It was so beautiful that it brought tears to my eyes.  I sat on the porch for a long time.  I am really happy that I was not too BUSY to enjoy that beautiful sunrise.
Sunrise over Capitol Reef 2010
Sydney from the Day Book suggests 3 things that she will do to get rid of "busy", slow down and refocus on people:
1.  Put down the phone and the electronics after 6 pm.  Read a book, snuggle, have a meal without distraction.
2.  Be OK with untidiness.  Become one with it.  Most of the time it's going to happen and it's alright.
3.  Take at least a half hour each day to focus on myself spiritually and physically.

I will trucks with Cole, play in the dirt with Cole, let Cole cook with me when he wants to because he won't always want to, Arts & Crafts with Sierra, listen to her play her music, let Summer drive the car, listen to the play-by-play of high school, read with the family more.

I'm done.  At least for now.  If any of you are still with me.  thanks for listening.


Leslie said...

Im glad you werent too busy to write this. It gave me lots to think about. I dont feel too busy. (f course there are SOME days that eveyrthing falls on the same day) Im going to be less busy now that Chase is in kindergarten. I hope to look outside of myself and notice how I can help more people.

Shannon said...

I LOVE this post. Love, love, love! I am totally guilty of the being "too busy" syndrome. I just need to make better use of my time - and seriously help others. This was something I totally needed to read. I think I'll read it tonight for FHE with Ryan. :) THANK YOU!!!!! :)

Kristine said...


rin said...

Amen sista!!! That has actually been the theme for me today. . . it's okay for the kids not to be kept busy. They can actually play and do something "not productive". It's been awesome.

Amara said...

Maybe I'll use this as part of my lesson on Sunday. I'm teaching on spiritually prioritizing. I just read this book last month that really made me rethink what I'm doing with my life: Clayton Christensen "How will you measure your life" and promptly stopped wishing we could move so I can escape my life, and started dropping things. Meaning clients. Meaning fitness classes. I found huge joy on Sunday when I could take the time to iron Kai's shirt. He started talking to me again. I can cook instead of running into the kitchen hoping for a 20 minute miracle. My sister in law asked me Sunday if I thought about going back to work in science --I have no idea where that came from--and I told her that if I did our family would fall apart. Granted you and I are lucky in the working department, I have a widow friend that is really hurting. But it makes me feel only worse about being stupid with my time.